I think this is day 5 or 6, (mostly?) sober. I had a glass of wine yesterday (hence the mostly) at one of Ds colleagues house for the Super Bowl. I nursed it. Otherwise, I’ve been doing great.

All my life, my mom instilled the fear of alcohol in me, mostly with the threat that it would make me throw up – which is a HUGE phobia of mine (mental note: seek therapy for this, too). Because she knew the family history. So I avoided it like the plague. I didn’t even drink on my 21st birthday. I handed each bottle of beer bought for me by my ex-boyfriends best friend to his girlfriend at the time, or threw them in the trash. The first drink I had was with a group of girls I was graduating Interior Design with. We had presented our final design projects and headed to the Fox and the Hound to celebrate. A round of shots, Southern Comfort, was bought for everyone. I tried to turn it down but everyone gave me such a hard time, so I gave in. It burned. It was gross.

My roommate worked at a restaurant down the hill from our apartment. This is where I spent most of my nights, before graduation and for a few years even after. I mean, honestly, some of those nights were the most fun nights. But I was young and could recover like a champ to be at work by 7 A.M. But I could also spend weeks at a stretch not drinking.

I made so many friends at this restaurant (none of which I’m in contact with today) and I also met my ex-fiancĂ© there. He worked with my roommate and was the sweetest guy I’d ever met. Complete opposite from most of the guys I’d dated before – assholes.

Our relationship progressed quickly. He moved in as soon as my roommate moved out, which was the day of graduating college, we got engaged a year later.

He’d work odd hours – since he was a bartender and manager of the restaurant. But then even after the bar had closed at 2 A.M, he’d stay out. He’d be gone until I’d left for work the next morning. It was weird. A few times I’d try to call his friends when his phone was off but no one had a straight answer.

And then my money started disappearing.

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