After I ended our engagement, I started throwing myself into my work, losing weight (I was still in the weight loss study after all) and drinking heavily.
Working out was great for me. I was able to lose myself in the music and think about my next moves in life. I was also cutting back calories during the weight loss study to save them for booze. I joked with my friends that I was “drunkorexic”. I would come home from work, heat up a lean cuisine, go walk for an hour, shower and then grab the handle of Jack from the freezer. I’d pour a shot and sip that (since I could easily determine how many calories were in a shot glass) while I watched my guilty pleasure of Laguna Beach re-runs. And then that would lead to taking a few more shots before I’d head to bed.
Work was tough. I’d be hung over in the mornings and I’d have to be nice to clients. I was also trying to muddle through avoiding everyone’s questions about my broken engagement. My boss at the time was the town crier, and the industry was small.
But, because I had lost my appetite over the stress of the break up and cancelling wedding plans, and working out to focus my mind, I was losing weight quickly.
I was starting to get my confidence back. I was fitting into sizes I hadn’t seen since high school. I went and got a haircut from a super expensive salon. I was on my A Game. But I was still drinking by myself at home (and smoking cigarettes).
I was so proud of my weight loss and I knew I was one of a few study participants that had lost the most weight (I’m competitive). I had to go in for weekly weigh-ins and a group session. It also helped that the guy who did the weigh-ins was super cute.
So I’d always wear my cutest outfit on those days and we’d joke during the weigh-in, and I’d always get a chuckle over what he’d write in my food diary that I had to hand in every week.
He was the first to notice my engagement ring was missing from my hand and pulled me aside to ask if I was ok. (I still remember what he was wearing – is THAT weird?). I broke down crying and he genuinely seemed concerned so he gave me his number if I ever wanted to talk because he was going through a tough time with his fiancée at the time as well, so he understood how I felt.
In the meantime, I was now going out every single weekend with friends from high school, new friends and friends from work. I was skinny, single and LOVING my freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted and no one would question it.
shanlin1022 